Tom Robbin's request for a last meal.

Well, trying to breathe some life into this again after a long hiatus.

This is a simple sandwich, but so good that author Tom Robbins wrote that this would be his request for a last meal, should he ever find himself in a position to request one. And do do it right, he would request the makings, and do it himself. It may seem silly to have instructions for this, but because of the particular ingredients, only this sandwich has the required taste.

So, he would need.

2 slices of bread for each sandwich. In this case, the bread needs to be Wonder bread or similar - the synthetic, squishy, air "bread" everyone knows from school sandwiches. (the bread in the picture is not Wonder bread)

1 large very ripe tomato, preferably from your own garden, or a farmer's market. the quality and taste of the tomato is essential for this to taste right. It should be so soft that it has to be cut with a serrated knife. No plum or Roma tomatoes - you need a big one,

Hellmann's mayonnaise, salt & pepper

Slather both slices of bread with mayonnaise, salt and pepper to taste. Plenty of salt is good. Cut the tomato into thick slices (about 1 cm). Layer them on one slice, add more salt to taste, top with the other slice. Push down hard on the top of the sandwich with your hand or the bottom of a plate, to meld the juices with the mayonnaise.

Simple, quick, delicious.

You don't win friends with salad

After many years wasting lunch hours on mean order-in meals from local malls and over-greased noodles from the sole, sit-down restaurant within walking distance of my office, respite was delivered in the form of Jones the Grocer.
Let me be plain: despite the friendly demeanor of the staff, the swank deli and grocery is overpriced, over hyped and over harried.
The last time I ordered a take-away sandwich, the staff took twenty minutes to pick the sandwich, cut the sandwich, put the sandwich in the box and charge me Dh32 for it. There was only one other person in line.
During another unfortunate lunch venture, I took my box lunch back to the office to find they had given me a beef and guyere on mustard instead of the mozzarella and tomato baguette. I hate mustard. I ate it anyway.
Oh, and don't be fooled by the artisan breads and fine quality ingredients. As my investigation of the chevre and sun-dried tomato has proven: Jones side-loads the sandwich.

That's right. From the outside it appears to be generous and plentiful. It promises a messy expanse of creamy cheese and tart tomato. But take a peek inside. It's all rocket.
I spent Dh32 for a slice of bread and arugula.
And then I did it again.
And again.
Why? Why do I do this?
Because it's this, or the Lebanese bakery where I once found a hair in my Lebneh. Because it's this or the Chinese food restaurant where I'm sure I detected the faint hint of ketchup on the sweet and sour balls.
Afghanistan restaurant is always a cheap and plentiful option, just as long as you don't mind waiting for your roast chicken while staring at the floor to avoid the gaze of a very angry looking Pashto man who seems deeply unimpressed by your sartorial choice of a knee-length skirt. And I just can't face another meal in the "family section" of the tasty curry joint where the cab drivers take their lunch, cowering behind the laminated room dividers in the back of the windowless upper floor.
Oh, for the first year, I tried it all. They were all tiles in the beautiful cultural mosaic of my expatriate experience.
Now, I say: save it for the tourists. I want a baguette. And I'll pay three times its worth to get it from somebody who will look me in the eye.

Classic Sandwiches 6 - Banh Mi

The Vietnamse have many versions of this. Easy to make at home, especially if you keep the ingredients in the fridhge. The kind of liver pate that comes in a plastic sausage works just fine.

1 piece of ginger, about 3 cm x 3 cm, peeled and chopped fine

3 cloves garlic, chopped fine

75 ml soy sauce

75 ml rice vinegar

1/2 teaspoon sesame oil

1/4 teaspoon cayenne pepper

1 teaspoon coriander seed, ground.

2 tablespoons brown sugar

4 chicken breasts sliced into thin strips

4 slices of cooked ham

2 carrots, grated

1 piece of daikon, about 8 cm long, grated

5 spring onions sliced into long strips

Coriander leaves, washed

Mayonnaise

Liver pate

1 baguette, cut into 4 sections

Directions:

Combine the first 8 ingredients in a gallon ziploc bag. Mush around with your hand to mix well. Add the chicken and allow this to marinate for 30 minutes - 2 hours.

Grate the daikon and carrot first and put it in a small bowl and cover it with rice vinegar for 30 mins. Saute the chicken in a non-stick skillet on really high heat. Let it brown. Heat the baguettes up in the oven or a toaster oven just until the crust gets warm. Slice them down the middle and put mayonaisse inside on one side and the liver pate on the other. Now load the chicken on and then carrots, daikon, onions, ham and cilantro. Good stuff.

Classic sandwiches 5 - The Hamburger

The strange thing about hamburgers is that few people really think about them, though they are arguably the most consumed single item on earth. (let's leave India and China out of that equation) And they are probably the most ill-treated food as far as care in preparation is concerned. So let's give it some consideration.

Opinions about hamburgers are like *noses*, everybody has one. The general consensus, though, is that the patty should be crusty on the outside and rosy on the inside. It should be made from freshly ground beef, not ground scraps, with a fat content of about 15-20%. Use enough salt, beef needs more salt than you think.

The best way to get that crusty outside is on a very hot surface, like a cast-iron frying pan. Just sear it on the outside, and then finish cooking in the oven at 190° (a toaster oven will do) To prevent it from ballooning while cooking, make a dimple with your thumb in the centre. You could squash it down with a spatula, but then you lose all the juice. The bun to meat ratio by volume should be 1.5:1, and the bun should be light and fresh with a crackly thin crust. Toasting it will do that for you.

Anything else you put in there, like lettuce, pickles or tomato, should be fresh crisp and tasty.

Here's my version: It seems like a lot of trouble, but the result is not your Mickey D's mystery burger.

For each burger:

Enough freshly ground beef (for good flavour use 50% skirt steak and 50% top round, you may have to add some fat) to make a patty 2.5 cm thick that fits the bun.

One fresh hamburger bun made from brioche dough (or whatever kind you like) cut in half.

2 Iceberg lettuce leaves.

1 large slice of tomato (1 cm), or enough smaller one to cover the bun.

Ketchup, mayonnaise or mustard to taste.

Salt & pepper.

1 slice of your preferred cheese (0.25 cm), optional.

Get your cooking surface very, very hot. Season the beef, mold the patty into a flat round without handling it too much, and make a dimple in the top with your thumb. Oil the griddle. Sear until you have a crunchy crust, flip, do the other side. If you are using cheese, drape it over the top, place the patty in a toaster oven at 190° for 3 minutes, this should bring it to medium rare. Experience will tell you when it is the way you like it. In the meantime toast the bun halves, spread with your condiment(s) of choice. Place the lettuce, pickle and tomato on the lower half, salt & pepper, top with the meat, the other bun half and that is it.

Classic Sandwiches 4 - The BLT

This is so simple and classic, it is almost needless to say. But , for the record...

75 g lean bacon, rind removed

60 ml good-quality mayonnaise

5 ml Dijon mustard

8 slices white bread, toasted on one side only.

175g iceberg lettuce, shredded

2 large tomatoes, sliced

Grill the bacon until crisp, then transfer to a plate lined with paper towel to drain. Combine the mayonnaise and mustard in a bowl. Spread the bread on the untoasted side with half the mayonnaise mixture. Divide the lettuce between 4 slices of bread. Add bacon and tomato. Top with the remaining mayonnaise, then top with remaining bread. Press down lightly.

A good candidate for deconstruction. Anyone?

Thanks to the Aussies for the picture.

Classic Sandwiches 2 - the Jibarito

Most people don't know this one, but it is fast becoming a classic. The only problem here might be to find plantains, but large green bananas would work. The plantains should also not be too ripe (just starting to go black)

From Wikipedia:

"The jibarito (pronounced hee-bah-REE-toe), a specialty of Puerto Rico and Chicago, is a sandwich made with flattened, fried green plantains instead of bread. It was invented in 1991 by Jorge Muñoz y Coquí Feliciano in Aguada, Puerto Rico in their famous restaurant named "Plátano Loco" (crazy plantain) where it is the king of the house. It was later introduced to Chicago at the Borinquen Restaurant, a Puerto Rican restaurant, by owner Juan "Peter" Figueroa."

So this is the way you do it:

1 large green plantain, peeled and sliced lengthwise and in half (4 pieces)

If you can't find plantain, try 2 very large green bananas. 

oil (for deep frying) 

30 ml butter 

15 ml Olive oil 

1 large thinly sliced onion 

2 cloves garlic, minced 

Pinch cumin 

1-2 pinch cayenne or dried chipotle powder, to taste 

200g thinly sliced steak (Skirt steak is best) or thinly sliced chicken breast. 

salt & freshly ground black pepper, to taste 

4 slices American cheese 

1 tablespoon mayonnaise 

romaine lettuce 

thinly sliced tomatoes or roasted red peppers 

15 ml teaspoon melted butter 

15 ml Fried minced garlic

You will also need 2 heavy cutting boards

Heat the oil, then fry the peeled and sliced plantain for 1 minute.

Remove the plantain from the oil, place on a heavy cutting board (if wooden, wrap board in plastic first, which will assist in the spreading of the softened plantain), top with another cutting board, and flatten the plantain between them.

Fry the now-flattened plantain in the oil again, until the outside is golden and crispy; remove from the oil, set aside on paper towels dry, keep warm.

Over medium high heat, melt 15 ml butter and olive oil together, then sauté the onions until just soft.

Add the garlic, cumin, and cayenne to taste, stir well, then add the meat slices and sauté until browned; season to taste with salt and pepper.

Spread mayonnaise on the bottom slice of flattened fried plantain, followed by 2 slices of American cheese, then the meat and onions. Top with lettuce and thinly sliced tomato (or roasted red pepper), then the remaining plantain top. 

Combine 1 teaspoon melted butter with 1/4 teaspoon fried minced garlic, brush the upper plantain slice with the butter garlic mixture.

Makes 2 sandwiches

Classic Sandwiches 1 - The Cubano

There have been several posts here on sandwiches; we have here the Croque Monsieur, the Bacon Butty and I propose to post a series of classic sandwiches to continue the trend.

Sandwiches are classic in themselves. Everyone of course knows that the sandwich is attributed to John Montagu, the 4th Earl of Sandwich, (1718 - 1792) who wanted something that he could eat while playing cards. I can only assume that his sandwich was very different from what is made today. Probably it consisted of sliced roast beef on heavy black bread, an imaginative cook may have added mustard, horseradish or some other available flavouring. Probably butter was not used. In any case, we all thank the good Earl for his devotion to his card game. The first in the series will be the Cubano, or sandwich mixto. This sandwich was first served to Cuban workers in the Tampa, FL area around the turn of the last century and the original contained Genoa salami. This is the Miami version, which is found everywhere, and dispenses with the salami. Apparently the Tampa version still contains salami, but nowhere else.

Ingredients

• Cuban bread - as this is not available outside Cuba or Florida, substitute French bread but zap it in a nicrowave oven for 30 seconds before using.
• Butter, softened
• 500g ham sliced - Use a good quality, sweetish ham.
• 500g Sliced roast pork
• 1 Kg Swiss cheese (Gruyere),sliced
• Sliced dill pickles (lengthwise sliced are better)
• Yellow mustard (optional)

Never use mayonnaise

Preheat a pancake griddle or large heavy frying pan. Cut the bread into sections about 8 inches long. Cut these in half and spread butter on both halves (inside). Make each sandwich with the ingredients in this order: pickles, roast pork, ham, and cheese. Don't be stingy here!

Place the sandwich on the lightly oiled hot griddle (or frying pan). Place a heavy iron skillet or bacon press on top of the sandwich to flatten. (You really want to squash the sandwich, compressing the bread to about 1/3 of its original size!) A panini press is also good for this.

Grill the sandwiches for two to three minutes on each side, until the cheese is melted and the bread is golden. Make sure your griddle or fry pan is not too hot, or else the crust will burn before the cheese melts. Slice the sandwiches in half diagonally and serve.

Thanks to 3 Guys from Miami for the true recipe.

Croque Monsieur

This is my fallback recipe for when I need to eat something very quickly. This is my recipe for croque-monsieur, there are hundreds of variations out there, this is mine. Mine I say, all mine.

Just for your information and elucidation a croque-madame is the same but with a fried or poached egg on top. Hmm, I wonder why?

Follow these steps and you will have a lovely hot sandwich on your plate in 8 minutes.


You will need:

2 slices white bread
Thin slices of emmenthal of gruyere cheese, enough to cover two sides of the bread
2 thin slices of good quality ham
Dijon mustard
Butter


And then you need to:

Put a frying pan on the hob over a low to medium flame

Place the two slices of bread on a plate and thinly spread mustard on both the slices.

Lay the slices of cheese on both slices so that the whole sides are covered.

Lay the ham on one side, and flip the other slice on top to close the sandwich.

Spread soft butter on the top of the uppermost slice of bread and then place the whole sandwich buttered side down into the dry, hot frying pan. Now spread butter on the uppermost side.

Cook for about 2 minutes then flip. Cook for a further two minutes until browned and serve.

Viola!

The Bacon Butty

N = C + {fb (cm) . fb (tc)} + fb (Ts) + fc . ta,

The formula above applies where where N=force in Newtons required to break the cooked bacon, fb=function of the bacon type, fc=function of the condiment/filling effect, Ts=serving temperature, tc=cooking time, ta=time or duration of application of condiment/filling, cm=cooking method, C=Newtons required to break uncooked bacon.

But seriously, according to Nigel Slater, feelings run high about bacon sandwiches. Should you use white or brown bread? Butter or not? Mustard, ketchup or not? And so on. My personal favorite, as is Nigel's, is made with untoasted Wonder Bread, or similar "plastic bread"

This what you need for each sandwich.

6 Slices of not too lean smoked bacon.

2 Slices of white bread.

Fry the bacon until almost crisp, the fatty parts should be turning golden. Push them to the side of the pan. Dunk one side of the bread into the hot bacon grease. Sandwich the bacon between the bread, with the dry side out and eat while very hot. Ketchup or mustard is optional.

This is superb after-pub food, it only comes into its own if you are slightly drunk.